At the end of my life I want to be able to say I contributed more than I criticized.
– Brené Brown
Thoughts about ourselves and our lives can often be inaccurate, and these thoughts can lead to incorrect assumptions. In this lesson, we teach the phrase “The story I’m telling myself” as a tool to support young people in pausing in the midst of a conflict or difficult experience. Students are encouraged to examine the thoughts they are thinking about the other person and see if those thoughts are accurate. The practice of pausing to check your understanding of a situation – and questioning your assumptions – will support students in developing the skill to look at a situation from another person’s perspective. For this creative activity, students will look at “the story they have been telling themselves” about another person, and then write a new version of this story by taking on a different perspective. They will do this by creating a mini graphic novel. This practice helps students learn how to have increased empathy for others.
· Learn a technique for taking on a different perspective.
· Begin to cultivate empathy for others by questioning our assumptions.
Prior to teaching this lesson, watch the expert video and create your own mini graphic novel to illustrate what the students will be doing in the creative activity.
Ensure that every student has access to technology that will allow them to create their mini graphic novel. The website storyboardthat.com will allow students to create their graphic novels online.
If you would like for this to be a tech-free creative project, provide students with paper, pens, pencils, and markers.
Dr. Robin Berman offers several methods for resolving conflicts: standing in someone else’s shoes, validating others’ feelings, staying present in a conversation, and avoiding exaggerated language.
Lin-Manuel Miranda explains that developing empathy and considering where someone else is coming from is an important part of writing, art, and life.
Melanie explains the way she used the phrase “the story I’m telling myself” to see her friend’s struggles through a more compassionate lens.
Patrick describes the way he learned to have compassion for his roommate by using the phrase “the story I’m telling myself.”
Maggie talks about how trying to understand another person’s perspective helped her when she was going through a difficult time feeling angry with her mom.
Display the ‘welcome slide’ from the Lesson 9 PowerPoint as you begin.
*Slide 1
As discussed in the teacher training, remember to make the suggested language below authentic to yourself and meaningful for your students.
* Slide 2
Introduce the idea that our thoughts about other people aren’t always accurate. Describe an example of a thought or assumption you made that turned out to be inaccurate.
Example of What You Could Say:
“Today, we are going to examine the way we think about and communicate with other people. Has anyone gotten into a fight with a friend because of something that turned out to be a misunderstanding? Have you ever thought someone was mad at you, but it just turned out that they were upset about something else or having a bad day? We all make up stories about others that can be judgmental and critical without even realizing that we are doing it. For example, we might assume that another person isn’t trying very hard at school because they are lazy, but it’s possible that person is going through a hard time at home. We told ourselves a story about them that was not true. We can begin to have empathy for others if we learn to pause in our thinking and try to look at the situation from their perspective. I have an example of a time this happened to me. (Share an example from your own life.) Now, we’re going to watch a mental health expert share a few techniques she uses to help resolve conflicts and increase understanding of others.”
An expert in mental health describes several approaches to conflict resolution, emphasizing the importance of empathy and active listening. She provides several strategies that will support students as they seek to understand the conflict from the other person’s perspective.
*If you see an additional guest artist video that you feel would resonate with your class, feel free to share those videos as well.
*Slide 3
Invite students to consider a thought they have been thinking about another person that might not be true. Have they been telling themselves a story about that person? Encourage students to consider a different perspective on that person by trying to see the situation in a kinder, more compassionate way.
Example of What You Could Say:
“Let’s take a moment to reflect on a conflict or misunderstanding that you’ve had with someone else. (Pause for a moment.) What is the story you have been telling yourself about this person or situation? Sometimes the stories we tell ourselves can become so strong that we struggle to see the other person’s perspective. It can be eye-opening to have the ability to pause and see that there is more than one version to every story. We are going to practice this by looking at our narrative about another person from a different perspective and considering their actions in a more compassionate light. In moments of uncertainty, we fill in the blanks of what we don’t know with a ‘story we are telling ourselves.’ Becoming aware of this and trying to see these challenging situations from the other person’s perspective allows us to learn the skill of empathy. Empathy helps us understand other people’s perspectives, but that doesn’t mean that we should excuse hurtful behavior. This is simply a skill that is meant to reduce misunderstandings.”
Explain that students will create two separate mini graphic novels/comic strips in which they share their old narrative first, and then consider the other person’s perspective. The second comic strip becomes the “new story” of what students don’t see at first glance. (See student examples for reference.)
If students are using an app or website like storyboardthat.com or Canva, they can customize the setting, characters, and dialogue. If students prefer to draw their mini graphic novel by hand, the drawings can be as simple or detailed as students would like – anything from stick figures to more detailed designs. Give students 15-20 minutes to complete this activity.
Example of What You Could Say:
“Now, we are going to create a short graphic novel/comic strip to illustrate this idea. First, think of an example that fits with this theme. Write down the story you have been telling yourself about a person or a situation. Begin by writing: The story I am telling myself about _______ is: _______. Create a short comic strip/graphic novel depicting this old way of thinking. After you’ve written this, you will create a second short comic strip/graphic novel that will illustrate a new way of looking at this situation. Before we start, I’ll share my example so that you can see how this creative activity is done. (Educator shares their comic strip.) This is a practice of viewing a person or situation through a different lens. You can choose whether you’d like to create this comic strip digitally or drawn by hand. You’ll have 15-20 minutes to work on this activity.”
Facilitate a discussion in which students share their graphic novels with the class and reflect on the process of seeing their story in a new way.
Example of What You Could Say:
“I know this exercise can be uncomfortable because it might mean admitting that we are possibly wrong about a person or situation. But I wonder if it was also empowering to see something through a new lens or if you were able to have more empathy for the other person by doing this activity? Were you able to see your story in a new way? Would anyone like to share their short graphic novel/comic strip? Would anyone be willing to share how it felt to try on a new perspective during this activity?”
“Thank you for sharing. If this activity brought up some difficult emotions, there is always additional support and resources available. (Share any school or community resources that may be available.) There are also resources available through the Kevin Love Fund website. We can end with a grounding activity that can help us to feel centered as we continue throughout our day.”
If you or your students would like to learn more about the ideas in this lesson, additional resources and third party links are included below.